In my childhood visions of motherhood, I would come home to a clean house and happy children who would lovingly greet me with joyful hugs and kisses. Yesterday, I came home and was greeted by Luke, who ran into the kitchen the moment I walked through the door and excitedly declared, “We FART!!”
Why yes, son, we do. I am so happy that you have learned this exciting new concept.
This is just the latest in a string fun, new summertime discoveries:
After listening to his parents speak in church, he came to the sudden and quite vocal realization that, “We don’t pee in the freezer!” (And, yes, he did try it.)
If he wants to get Mom’s attention, a sure fail method has always been to sample a variety of nonfood items. This summer, however, Luke has kicked it up a notch above just rocks, dirt. and dried up manure. Those are just so old school. He knows that if you really want a reaction, you have to get creative! Try some bird poop off the headstones during a visit to the cemetery on Memorial day. A long, deep swig of teal acrylic paint (dumped into a cup for easier drinking) lacks creativity but sure generates a nice little Mommy tantrum. Need a little protein? How about a large, fresh, juicy slug from the raspberry patch? mmmmm!
I can honestly say that my childhood dream did not include having this conversation with my legitimately worried four-year-old daughter at bedtime:
“Are you sure about this, Mom? Are you sure this toothbrush hasn’t been up Luke’s butt?”
“Yes, I’m sure, darling. I throw those toothbrushes away as soon as he brings them to me to smell.”
Ah, the real-life dreams of motherhood: dreams of those beautiful days when I am greeted only by the innocent and excited declaration that, “We fart!”