Unsettling fear and frustrations have taken up residence in the the front of my mind this week. I have become quite adept (with the help of medication) at filing unwarranted fear away to rarely visited recesses of my mind. Unfortunately, this week has brought paranoia to a screeching halt – front and center in my thoughts.
Lack of sleep, I am sure, is significantly contributing to my current state of mind. Luke’s sleep has become sporadic again. He regularly cycles through periods of good and bad sleep, but what makes this period so frustrating is the concurrent lack if impulse control. He has taken to tossing the computer, monitor, and printer overboard as a sure fire alarm to get Mom’s full attention. It is amazing how much a computer can withstand, but I think he delivered the final death blow this afternoon. Luke has reverted to lots of smaller challenges that add clutter to my mind and my house:
- He throws canning jars and other glass dishes in order to experience the visual joy that transforming something whole and useful into thousands of glittering shards offers.
- Emptying fluid-filled containers on freshly mopped floors is back into the daily routine. The stickier the better – entire bottles on dish soap on a tile floor makes for a slippery visual treat – especially when unsuspecting mom goes for a slide!
- Even better, combine the two for a great reaction by shattering an unopened two-quart jar of apple cider for sticky and glittery shard appeal.
All of these are annoying and frustrating, but the greatest fear has come from Luke’s newfound skill of starting vehicles. This afternoon, Luke took the keys from the fireplace mantle and started the minivan in the garage. Tuesday, Luke slipped out of the house and went up to my parent’s where the farm equipment is stored. This is nothing new for him. We often walk up together and just sit on the tractors, combines, and trucks. It has served as a reward for good behavior. However, this time he went on his own and actually started several tractors and the combine. Without much effort, these powerful machines could have been put into gear with disastrous consequences. Thankfully, two employees were close enough to stop him before any damage was done. He discovered that this new skill creates a frenzy that only reinforces his desire to repeat the behavior – which he has done several times with less success since Mom’s paranoia has not allowed him to get much of a head start. He has found moments though. I cannot go to the bathroom without specifically assigning a sibling to watch him. His most successful run happened while I was distracted by checking up on reports of then Tropical Storm Harvey, who was parked over Port Arthur, TX and my oldest boy who is serving a mission there and is still holed up in his apartment as a result. Luke has an impeccable eye for when I am most distracted and takes advantage of that.
And so, I sit here with Luke pinned under my right leg for his safety and my sanity. I write to clear my brain and hopefully devise some great plan to discourage future incidents. Right now, punishment by utter boredom is the best I’ve got. Feel free to comment if you have inspiration that I lack!